Saturday, 6 September 2014

Midnight Thoughts

It's just another one of the sleepless nights where I'm just tossing and turning in bed and thinking about life. Oh, I've changed my phone to HTC M8 (in my favourite colour GOLD)!!!!!!!!

Now that my exam is over, I'm so excited to make use of this holiday to plan for what is gonna come up in the next few months, hoping to help our local dog shelters :) I would also want to contribute to other charitable organizations when I become successful in the future. I don't care for popularity through such move. It is just that as I grow up, I realize that no matter how I try to be optimistic, I cannot deny that there are so much negativity in this world :( I may not be able to close this gap of humanity but I believe that I can make a difference.

Few weeks ago, it was Zegna & Buddy's birthday. Instead of getting all the expensive and yummy treats, I used a part of my savings to buy some necessities (after emailing them what the shelter needs) for OSCAS which is one of our local dog shelters. I was a volunteer there but ever since I moved house, entered poly and joined dragon boat, I couldn't make time to go to the shelter. I am also trying to squeeze out time for my dogs. Now that I can drive, I'm definitely going back there again :)

I strongly urge everyone to make contribution to help these dogs (or other non-profit organizations), be it volunteering or financial support.

Am glad that my partner loves to help dogs too :)

I am also trying not to hate (DOES NOT APPLY TO ABUSERS/MURDERERS & MEN WHO CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES- I would torture and kill them if I could, not even joking). I used to hate easily; people who lie, people who are hungry for fame, people who  "steal" friends (childish moments in pri/sec school),etc. Then again, I reflected and realized that many lf us, including myself, are somehow the same as these people whom we hate. Hate is a strong word and I believe I only dislike some who appeared in my life, not hate. Hatred is poisonous.

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyday. Overslept. Left something behind. Drove in the wrong lane. Took a longer route. Quarreled with someone. Broke someone's heart. Slept in lecture. Not doing tutorial. Skipped school. Lied to parents, friends, teachers, colleagues (just some small white lies). These are only some common daily mistakes.

Often, I find myself drowning in such situations but I constantly remind myself that it is okay to make mistakes as long as it not at the expense of others (be it humans or animals) lives and it is important to learn from it or try to twist it into a positive situation. I've mastered the first few levels of optimism but I have a lot more to learn. I'm learning from my reflection everyday. So how could I possibly love myself but hate these people who have the same traits as me?!?!?!?!

(Have to reiterate that committing serious crimes such as abuse, molest, rape, murder are UNFORGIVABLE)

Besides that, I get questions like "do you hate your ex boyfriends?" Honestly, I can't use the word "hate" because I am responsible for the fault as well. In a relationship, it takes two hands to clap. If you don't agree to a certain issue, the other party can't do anythig about it. People always pinpoint their spouses but if they actually calm down and think about the detailed process, asking themselves the "what ifs", they would probably recognize where their fault lies.

I respect some of my exes and I would say the most respected one would be James. He is honest, disciplined and down-to-earth (which many youngsters lack of these days). He earns his own money and does not increase the burden of his parents which I feel that it is truly respectable. He upholds integrity and I strongly believe that this is also one of the many good reasons why he is definitely fit to be an officer. I am also glad that he is doing well as a regular officer in the SAF now. Honestly, SAF needs more people like him to serve tha nation. I've also learned more about our country's armed forces through his shared knowledge. He is able to solve many problems and you can always trust him to save you.

After telling everyone that James is such a good man, the expected question would be "so why (the break up)?"

It would be pointless to explain in words because it is rather personal. Just because a man is good does not mean that he is he right one for you. There are also other factors to consider; interests, goals, vision, communication, family, etc. It does not make sense if one has to marry all the good guys in the world?

All in all, James is definitely a good friend but it's a shame that we are not talking anymore. 

It also pretty much annoys me when I tell people about Hendy and thd first reaction was "Indonesian Chinese?! Sure rich one, you good life already". I don't ask Hendy about his family income or whatsoever. Though he does receive allowance from his parents, he works and tries to lessen his parents burden. He spends on food instead of other materialistic wants. He is independent. And what's most important is that we have the same goal and vision for our future. That is why we set up a joint bank account. When it is time for us to tie the knot, I don't intend to stay at home and do nothing, I wish to work and contribute to the family and society with my actions. While it is also my wish to be a taitai and just go for hightea with my mum, future mother-in-law and friends, I still wish to be one of the women who can prove that we can gain strong foothold in the society.

Spoilt brat. It sounds awful and disgusting. I just cannot stand it when people throw these words at me. My life may be better than some people out there but how can I be labelled as a spoilt brat? Just because I visit MBS often? Just because I want luxury bags?

I visit MBS because I do not have to spend a single cent on transport (unless I drive or take public transport), gym or high tea on the skypark. Most of the rooms I get are also complimentary. Please do not tell me you would not make use of these benefits if you have the privilege.

Everyone has their likes and preferences but all these are wants, not needs.

I don't really eat in school so I can save more money. I don't spend much on clothing and stuff unless I'm overseas or my parents offer to buy me stuff. I spend on socializing because I believe friends are important and I cherish friendships. I spend money on treating my my loved ones because I want them to be happy. I save money with the main aim of my future, for my dogs and doing charity (though I can't do as much as Li Ka Shing or Bill Gates).

How could anyone who does not know me well, calls me a spoilt brat? This is just a small part of my life story.

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